“I’m mad at 2020 | This year got ugly” Really?
A very very late attempt at looking back.
It has been 3 months since the new year started and still I count this quarter to be a part of 2020. Maybe that is why I would like to reflect on my life in the past year.
A year that I started like any other, caring less about anything, turned out to contain a lot of incidents that would have otherwise happened over a span of more years.
Life changed and so did the situations. People around me kept changing and I too were pushed into the conveyor.
I have understood that it is the priorities that lead your life. So is others’. And while you get to reorder them, some might go up, some might go down. Accepting that you could go down on someone else’s list and accepting that is for the best will bring a lot of peace to you before you cut down a lot of unnecessary links in your life.
2020 witnessed a lot of my swings, my wise moves, my bad decisions, my worst decision, my immature impulse and my untimely confessions. The fact that all of these make the real me and that I have to face and I want to face all the consequences of whatever I did makes me brave enough to own up to my actions.
Loving myself was a skill that I hadn’t mastered until this year. Neither did I knew loving myself was so important to move further in life. It might sound weird to you, but then, I was introduced to BTS, the Korean boyband right after one of the strangest incident of my life which would have put me into one of my darkest days. Thanks to the best couple of friends and BTS, I was able to overcome it all realising how to love myself and how important that is. I know there must be a lot of haters for BTS. Still, iIt was those 7 boys from South Korea who had great messages wrapped in their little songs that I hummed to all day long. I was happy that I could unleash this version of me.
And once I started to take care of myself, any issues that came in front of me was less important than myself and my happiness — which was a great perspective to hold onto. It doesn't mean that I care less or life got easier, but I got pretty much enthusiastic to deal with all. And even now, when I keep people at bay, they are still there, right in my heart, I just decided to not make it obvious that they will live there rent-free forever.
The reading habit that I had lost a long while back was awakened and I did have some pretty good reads and is looking forward to completing my to-read-booklist in future. With reading came insights and perspectives. A new flavour of me to think from someone else’s perspective was unlocked and I am pretty sure that now I easily don't jump to conclusions and will always try to stand in the other person’s shoe.
Inner peace and happiness brought in calmness too. Being a person who used to get so much perplexed over stressful and testing moments, now I tend to act calmly and take a relaxing pace realising the unnecessary anxiety it has been creating otherwise.
All this doesn't mean that I am out of problems or challenges in life, it just means that I appreciate myself for being mature and grown-up enough to handle them in a more appreciable way and this was my secret goal back when 2019 ended — but I must say, the journey towards that was quite a rough one though!
