It's been 1 month, guys! Guys.. ?? U there?
Yes, its been 1 month since I arrived in the US, and started living the dream I had been working on for about a year. Yes, I am proud of myself. I am grateful for this great opportunity that I have, which was denied to many other people. I am humbled.
Back in India, I never thought about what life is gonna be like here, what my aspirations are gonna be once I reach here, and what I am looking forward to in the US. This realization hit me when the white guy next to me on my dreadful 16-hour DOH-SFO flight asked me about it. I never thought about what was awaiting me. All I knew was that I was stuck in my past life, I was concerned about what my family is gonna go through once I am not there. How my dad is gonna pay the internet bill, how my mom is gonna reach her hospital for work, how my sister is gonna do shopping, how my brother is gonna learn to drive, who is gonna take care of my cars, who is gonna be their spoilt, well settled, successful, aggressive brat! Never ever did it occur to me that it is not theirs, rather my life that is gonna turn upside down and that it is me who is gonna be alone in this journey. Well, maybe, it was for the good that I didn't waste my good moments thinking about it.
Its been a hustle since the moment I came here. Studies, assignments, grocery shopping, cooking, walking, and more walking, and more walking to reach classrooms that are spread over kilometres- I mean miles :) New people, new situations, new financial dependency, new currency. The E in my MBTI changed to I over the past couple of years, leaving me no clue how to “network” to survive in this scene. With everything brand new and strange, the urge to go back to the old life is fighting my inner self old habits, old people, old myself.
All my coping mechanisms included bits of my old life. Cars. To drive and forget about everything became such a big part of my life that I took it too much for granted. Today when I wait for the bus for long hours and walk in 45C for long miles, I do realize what had put me at ease, and that cars and driving were such great companions I had- therapy in disguise. Friends. Oh, where do I begin that? There were a few good people who were just 20 mins away, maybe a flight away, maybe a call away. Realizing they too have a life and that being my 3 am friend means missing their 2:30 pm standup was a hard pill to swallow. Long distance is in actuality a difficult and tedious process. And then, there are friends who just disappeared. And at times, yeah, your small victories and triumphs might just echo back in a vacuum instead of the claps and pats.
This is just a reminder to myself and a few people out there. “Its been 1-month guys”, I mean if there’s someone out there :) I’ll be here staring at the photo wall of my room, swiping through albums in Photos, making myself busier and busier every day while wiping away the sweat of my eyes. As I proceed to be curious about my life hereafter and try harder to take care of myself, my mental peace and my physical health, I wish nothing but happiness and amazingness to everyone around.
Hwaiting!
