Thoughts of a Millenial on new year
And just when we are about to wrap up another year, 2022, (while still half of us stuck in 2020), a lot of us have grown, evolved, opened up, succeeded and also failed. Even after growing up to realize that the “new year” thing is not gonna make a difference in anyone’s life and that it is just another day after the revolution of the earth around the sun, we still look up to new years as an ideogram of reset, as a yearning for change, as the daydream of hope. So, not to be the wet blanket, here I join in the adventure of “hoping” things to get better and lay the red carpet for the change.
Well, looking back its been a wonderful year, even last year I think I felt the same. Good thing God has gifted me the great sense to conveniently ignore the bad and the worst things that has happened to me over the year, still this year is special. Moving out to a new country, starting a new life, new people (with ma old folks still at the end of a call), new things to try out, new achievements, new mental health issues, new traumas, new fears. All of this gave me the insight that life ain't gonna change a lot however you try to run from your current one and that can be a relief and a curse at the same time.
Somedays, I feel sorry for all the people who know me. It is said that there is going to be a soft girl era with walls down and trust issues resolved after the hyper independent girl phase who is always in fight or flight mode. I think I would never be ready to bid goodbye to my independent phase who helped me get this far.
There was a guy who saw stars in my eyes and wanted me to tell him the stories of my day. Now I tell stories of him to my therapist three times a week with the prescription of supplements.
For everyone, the first instinct while moving to 2023 is to cut ties with people who give off low key sketchy vibes. Maybe it is just not enough to cut ties with people who treated you with disrespect, but also important enough to cut ties with that part of yourself who thought it would be fine to accept that kind of treatment from other people. Stop living in denial when someone treats you bad. We have the innate tendency to gaslight ourselves into thinking they didn't mean the way they act, but, yeah, they know what they did, spare your little brain of the excuses you gonna make to justify them.
People gotta prove what they say, and Oh boy, the number of people that I am gonna leave in 2022 for just not doing this one little thing is pretty huge.
Feeling responsible for someone else’s energy and changing your responses is not empathetic anymore. Leave them with their baggage, yours is pretty heavy already. Lowering my walls and letting my guard down has not proved good for me anytime. After a very long time, I did that, and now, I am the villain in their narrative. Little did I care to that since I started feeling invisible to the end of feeling like a side character even in my own story.
“Mockingbird” by Eminem released in 2004 finding me this year is the perfect example of the ultimate hope of good things reaching you at right time. Living alone, being vulnerable, being responsible brought out a version of me that I knew was within me all along, but never got the courage to own the throne.
With mixed things happening last year, the next one would a year of lesser drama, risen walls, colder heart, thicker skin and lesser damn to give. My last year visions were satisfied, so I hope I get the energy to be what I envision for next year as well. 2023, show us what you’ve got!
